Cover Letter for Employment at Taco World

Alcohol + listening to my collegiate sister fill out employment apps = This


Cover Letter for Employment at Taco World

To whom it may concern:

I am applying for a job at Taco World (duh, why else would I write you a fucking cover letter???? Mom said this will help me get a job so it better freaking work. I was supposed to meet Scotti 2 freaking hours ago to finish off a 40 and smoke a roach but I had to sleep in an extra couple of hours to let that bad shit from last night wear off so I could write this stupid thing. You will see, I am a very social person and my commitments to my friends and "business partners" are a top priority. You would be lucky to have someone like me working for you. I have connections for all kinds of shit, and if anyone ever crosses you - EVER I gots someone who can take care of them, real cheap and on the down low.

A little about me: I went to St. John's High School Class of 2004, it was an OK place I guess I was only there the one time in Jr. High when the principal said he'd never seen nobody like me and didn't know what to do with me so he sent me to the superintendent at the high school because he was smarter or something. That place smelled nasty if you ask me, though. If i were principal I'd burn the motherfucker down and start from scratch or just teach the kids in a fuckin tent or something. That would save a lot of money, on construction, heat and electric. You'll see I have a lot of other innovative ideas like that when I start working for you. People tell me I'm really smart all the time.

There are a few things about me I think you should know:

I don't like nobody tellin me what to do. Fuck that, dude. I know when to work and what to do, that's why you're hiring me anyway, right? If I were stupid and needed somebody to tell me all that shit you wouldn't hire me. I know that because that's why I didn't hired at none of the places I applied last year. I didn't TELL them that, so they didn't know to hire me. So I'm telling you right up front - it's OK, I know what I'm doing and don't need nobody telling me otherwise.

I'll tell you right now I'm NOT going to wash my hands every time I go to the bathroom. Even IF you have a sign that says I have to. I don't like to be bossed around and I'm not going to let a stupid sign tell me what to do.

As you will see in my application, I am applying for the position of Taco King. The guy I talked to on the phone said they don't have any sort of position, but I want you to know that I don't care, that's fine with me. There can only be one king, so it's OK that you don't have any others right now. In fact, I think I like it better than way, I'd rather be the only KING than another guy who calls himself the "Store Manager" like that jerk on the phone.

You will see that where it says "Hours you can work" on the application I wrote "fuck you". That's because I'm not gonna let some stupid job control my life. Mom said you guys "require" everyone to work at least five hours a week. FUCK THAT. Like I said, I'm not gonna let some stupid job control my whole freaking life.

Thanks for your time and everything. Call my cell and leave me a message when I can start working. If it's before 5pm I'll be sleeping and if it's after then I just ain't gonna waste my minutes on no square-ass employment shit.


Sincerely,


Joseph "Dirty Joe" Banks